IKEA Antics

I went to IKEA this weekend with my friend Tanaya because she just moved and needed furniture, which we (with much trial and tribulation) managed to squeeze in my car after a delicious and cheap dinner and much deliberating over colors, patterns, etc.

What I love about IKEA is the names they give to their items. They don't give them cool names though - a chair isn't a chair-izzle and a dresser isn't a dressah; there is no ballin' around in this Swedish paradise. Instead, they name their items with apparantly NO connection from what the thing is or does to what the name is.

For example, I purchased some Billigs. Two were alive, and two were not. Does this help you to understand what additions have been made to my bedroom? Probably not (I bought two plants and two little pots). Now, how exactly does one water a Billig? Does a Billig need sunlight? What if my dog knocks the Billig over and the Billig inside spills dirt on the carpet? Is the dirt also called Billig or just the plant and pot?

I also bought one box of Tindra and one Oregano. There is no plural on the Tindra even though it is a box of strawberry-scented tealights. So, I have several smelly Tindra? Hmm. What if there is only ONE Tindra? If I say there is a Tindra on fire, is it a reason for concern? Is it only one harmless Tindra or an entire army of Tindra waiting to engulf my curtains in flames? Should I only be saying 'flame'? Regardless, my Tindra go in my Oregano (candle holder). My Oregano is off-white and has cute polka dot holes. I don't understand why an English word is used to label an IKEA item. Don't they realize how absurd this title is? The silly names are bad enough with their lack of plurals or distinction between greenery and pottery. But once we begin using English labels, everyone gets confused. Is Oregano less silly because it is the only English word I found or is it more riduculous because it is the only exception? What if all of the IKEA items were labelled after kitchen spices? Could I eat dinner at my Salt while I sat in my Paprika? Would my Chili cut while my Garlic dished food out? Would my Basil effectively dry my dishes or would it stick to them?

I have no answers to the questions I have posed.

I'm going to study now. I'll highlight with my Lemon Juice, write with my Cheese, and print notes with my Shoe. Then I plan on sitting on my comfy leather Wall as I watch Season Five of Friends on my big screen Pillow. Eventually, Nancy will call me on my Lawnmower and then I'll read some of my Paintbrush before I go to sleep in my Desk Lamp.